POPCORN

BY JIM SZANTOR

Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric and whimsical observations on the absurdities of modern life.

• Whose job is it to make sure there's at least one partially green potato chip in every bag?
• Health product Web Site O' The Week:  Nailthatfungus.com (not making that up--as seen on TV).
• Speaking of commercials, just when you think the Geico cavemen have been consigned to Stone Age perdition, here they come again (but less and less funny with each "incarnation").  Cavemen:  Your 15 centuries are up.
• As far as I'm concerned, they can take the Geico gecko back to the Stone Age with them. 
• And which of these mascots is most annoying:  The Geico gecko . . . or the Aflac Duck?  Actually, I think Yogi ("Not too close . . .") Berra is the most annoying, but that's just me.
• If you ask me, most of these so-called Tea Party people sound like they're half in the bag, if you get my rather obvious drift.
• And I wouldn't be surprised if the Republican Party folks, if they succeed in getting health-care reform repealed (doubtful), turn their attention to sliced bread!
• Memo to people who start running around in beach attire after the first 50-degree day:  "Idiots" doesn't begin to describe you.  Are you planning to go naked when it hits 65?
• I've never seen anyone in grocery produce departments putting those confounded stickers on apples and peppers, but there they are!  How do they get there?  Is there a machine? If it's done manually, that's got to be one tedious task.
• The Ways of Wisconsin dept.: I'll bet more people would take fish-oil capsules if they came breaded! (You read it here first.)
• Fast food fave:  The hamburgers at Hardee's are very hard to beat.  In fact, they can't be beat.
• Is there father of pearl?
• Today's Latin lesson: Vos lucror nonnullus, vos perdo nonnullus. ("You win some, you lose some.")
• Somewhere in America, I suspect there is a software store next to a hardware store.
• Words fading away: "Frankfurter" and "davenport."     
• "Love, friendship and respect do not unite people as much as a common hatred for something." --Anton Chekhov