POPCORN

BY JIM SZANTOR

Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric and whimsical observations about the absurdities of contemporary life:

• No-salt potato chips go very nicely with non-alcoholic beer.
• Next to "legend," "icon" and "genius," let me add another term that's  probably over-applied:  "Expert."
• "No one wants advice--only corroboration."--John Steinbeck
• Peak performance: Mt.  Everest is not only the highest point on Earth (29,035 feet), but it's still growing by about half an inch a year.    
• The End of Civilization As We Know It, Exhibit 2,384:  Among the new CDs capsuled in the April 23 Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, we learn of a new release by one Rob Zombie titled "Venomous Rat Regeneration."  We're told "that enjoyably dark and nutty guy from White Zombie maintains his solo music career alongside his filmmaking with a disc that should please metal fans."  Words fail me . . . 
• "One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats."--British author-philosopher Iris Murdoch
• Audio book howlers (thanks to whatever mechanism it is that handles abbreviations, etc., failing miserably):  St. Paul became Street Paul, and IV needle rendered as . . . "four needle."  Also:  Type Eye diabetic--for Type I diabetic.
• Boggling Burger Fact:  According to the Center for Investigative Reporting,  as reported by the Chicago Tribune, 6.5 pounds of greenhouse gases are produced to make a quarter-pounder.  If you were willing to give up one hamburger a week, it would be like not driving your car 350 miles.  
• (And when, I wonder,  is someone going to green up Fast Food Nation?  A sandwich that's going to be eaten in two minutes comes in packaging that won't disintegrate for 10,000 years.)
• For whatever reason--and there must be one--the left side hull of a Venetian gondola is longer than the right by 9 inches. (Trust me on this.)  
• "More than ever. I now think of writing as a privilege—as a gift that's been given to me. Any day that I don't get to write something—anything—is a day I have to spend being someone other than who I am."--Comedy writer Larry Gelbart ("M*A*S*H," "Caesar's Hour," "Tootsie" and dozens of others).
• Jimjustsaying's Book Title of the Week" "The Complete Idiot's Guide for Lawsuits," by Victoria E. Green, J.D.
• Musings on the new Misinformation Age:  "“We have all these new channels and tools to understand the world as it happens, but there’s no reliable algorithm for sorting through the morass. It used to be, read the morning paper on the way to work and read the evening paper on the way home. Now we have to invent a new personal methodology every day. And if we’re waiting for things to settle down and become simple, that’s never going to happen.”--Author Jim Gleick in the New York Times
• "Everything will be okay in the end.  If it's not okay, it's not the end.--John Lennon
• Word never uttered by anyone who hasn't served in the military:  Latrine.
• Another product you'd be amazed that is sold by Amazon.com: Canned Unicorn Meat by ThinkGeek ($12.99 plus shipping).
• Permatern:  A person, usually in his or her 20s, battered by the recession and  working at an apparently endlessly unpaying position, holding out hope that the conventional career wisdom that an internship leads to a job isn't folklore from a bygone era.--The Week
• Things that don't seem to exist anymore:  Hayrides, scavenger hunts and come-as-you-are parties.
• "[T]he drive for austerity has lost its intellectual fig leaf, and stands exposed as the expression of prejudice, opportunism and class interest it always was. And maybe, just maybe, that sudden exposure will give us a chance to start doing something about the depression we’re in. "---Economist Paul Krugman in the New York Times.  (Aside from my agreeing with Mr. Krugman, this is my nominee for best--and perhaps first--use of the term "intellectual fig leaf.")
• Insult of the Week:  "The more I think of you, the less I think of you."
• Newspaper Obituary Headline of the Week:  "Squirt."  As in Donna "Squirt" St. Thomas (Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary, March 5,  2013). R.I.P., Ms. St. Thomas.
• It's uncanny and been true my entire life:  The person in in front of me at the grocery checkout always has at least two items I've never  seen before  (usually some weird-looking rootlike vegetable or some Ho-Hos-type of snack containing about 7,000 mg of sugar).   And if it's an overweight person, count on about ten 2-liter bottles of non-diet soda  as well (usually Mountain Dew).
• Another jimjustsaying Media Word, a word you see or hear only in print or on news broadcasts:  "thespian.­­­"
• Today's Latin Lesson:  "Permissum mihi ulciscor vobis in ut."  ("Let me get back to you on that.")