POPCORN

BY JIM SZANTOR

Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric and whimsical observations about the absurdities of contemporary life

• I'm so old I can remember when car dealers were open on Sunday.
• Some people say they had an imaginary friend when they were children.  Me?  Not quite . . . I had an  imaginary attorney!  Had him on a retainer.  (Hey, the price was right!)
• Are you getting as tired of the term "the new normal" as I am?
• (For one thing, it could be argued that the thinking behind it is inaccurate or a mere copout or downright offensive.   Ask  someone who is or has been been part of the 7.6 to 10  percent or higher unemployment rate if he or she feels or felt "normal.")
• Actual excerpt from the daily weather column (by meteorologist Michael Fish) in the May 27 Milwaukee Journal Sentinel:  "The good thing about a warm front is that there's warmer air on  the other side."  Who knew?  
• "Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."--Humorist Dave Barry
• I love it when people use terms or idioms they could probably not define, such as:  "I tell ya, I read him the Riot Act!"   
• (I'm sure the people who say that know they are referring to a 1714  Act of the Parliament that "authorized British authorities to declare any group of 12 or more people to be unlawfully assembled, and thus have to disperse or face punitive action.  Yeah, right.)
• When it come to gross, unappealing jobs, exhuming bodies--whether buried last week or 30 years ago--has to be one of the worst.  Next?  Collecting the shopping carts at the store parking lot.  
• "There is a light at the end of every tunnel.  Some tunnels just happen to be longer than others."--Author Ada Adams
• News item:  Carol Burnett, who became famous for playing a variety of characters in sketch comedy routines on her eponymous television show, was named the winner of the nation's top humor prize. The Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts said Burnett will receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor on Oct. 20 in Washington.  . . . Previous honorees include . . . Tina Fey and Ellen DeGeneres, who won last year.
• Reaction:  Tina Fey and Ellen DeGeneres received the award BEFORE Carol Burnett?  That's funny, but in a totally different way.  
• jimjustsaying's Media Word of the Week (a word you only see in print but never ever hear a normal person use in real life):  "Inclement." 
•  Another product you'd be amazed Amazon.com  sells:  Solid Gold S.E.P. (Stop Eating Poop), 3.5oz, by Solid Gold.
•  " . . . [I]n theory more data should always help you, though you might encounter some kind of diminishing returns. In practice, probably more data give people more of an opportunity to get confused, more of an opportunity to cherry-pick the results they're looking at." --Statistics expert Nate Silver on the difficulty of predicting success in the entertainment industry
• Who Knew, Burger Architecture Division:  The White Castle franchise, which claims to be the oldest, originated in Wichita, Kan., but has a Chicago connection, the Tribune reports. Its buildings were loosely modeled after the Water Tower on North Michigan Avenue.
• Whatever happened to Trini Lopez?
• Why people  don't like the sound of their own voices:  According to Dr. Edie Hapner, director of speech-language pathology at the Emory Voice Center at Emory University, people don't hear their own voices as others hear them. The voice must travel through the bones of the head before reaching the speaker's ears, changing the way it sounds, says Dr. Hapner. 
• "It is a lot safer to fly in a plane than it is to fly in a car.--Demetri Martin
• Obituary Headline Nickname of the Week:  "Chunky."  As in Randy "Chunky" Mielcarek, Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary, Feb. 6, 2013.  R.I.P.,  Mr. Mielcarek.
• Forty-fifth entry in the Wisconsin Town I Didn't Know Existed Until I Saw it Mentioned in a Newspaper Obituary sweepstakes:  Morrison, Wis.  (R.I.P., Elda Bornemann, Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary,  April 23, 2013.)  Previous entries: Athelstane, Walhain, Duck Creek, Breed, Anston, Sobieski, Amberg, Osseo, Angelica, Brazeau, Waukechon, Sugar Camp, Kossuth, Lessor, Kunesh, Pulcifer, Cato, Florence, Greenleaf, Eaton, Poygan, Hofa Park, Hilbert, Hollandtown, Beaufort, Glennie, Harshaw, Bessemer, Crooked Lake, Tigerton, Goodman, Readstown, Dousman, Butternut, Montpelier, Cecil, Red River, Gillet, King, Laona, Kelly Lake, Glenmore, Tonet and Stiles.
• Faded phenomena:   pipe cleaners, earth shoes and gravity boots.
• Am I the only one who thinks Robert DeNiro  peaked about 20 years ago and has been coasting ever since?
• Today's Latin lesson:  "Sumo unus , adepto unus solvo. "  ("Buy one, get one free.")