POPCORN

By Jim Szantor

Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric, and whimsical observations about the absurdities of contemporary life.

• jimjustsaying's take on the economy vis-a-vis income inequality:  A rising tide lifts all yachts!
• I had this dream: Jenny Craig was on an ocean cruise and tried to eat sensibly.  But she didn't go overboard!
• Spendthrift:  Someone who actually buys matches, calendars and return-address labels.
• Food-product icons who never existed:  Aunt Jemima, Mrs. Butterworth and Mr. Coffee.
• jimjustsaying's dating advice, cont.: Never date anyone who has a defense attorney or a bail bondsman on his or her speed dial.
• "You don't know who's swimming naked till the tide goes out."--Warren Buffett
• Think how much easier your commute would be if the only people on the road were those with valid driver's licenses, proof of insurance and their seat belt on.
• jimjustsaying's suggested name for a new casino:  Luck Dynasty
• Speaking of "Duck Dynasty," gay marriage  at some point will inevitably yield gay divorces,.
• Therefore, the question becomes:  What would be a possible grounds for divorce in a gay marriage?  I've got it!  Irreconcilable sameness!
• Malaprop of the Year, courtesy of a CNBC financial analyst:  Asked whether he thought the bull market would continue, Mr. Analyst said:  "Yes!  It'll be like Secretariat racing down the last couple of furloughs!"  (I think he meant "furlongs".)
• Still more of  jimjustsaying's Words You See in Print But Never Ever Hear an Actual Person Use in Real Life:  Turpitude, wizened and bereft.
• Where phrases originated:  "By the skin of one's teeth"  (Job XIX, verse 20); "Through thick and thin" (Chaucer's "The Reeves Tale") and "Raining cats and dogs" (Jonathan Swift's "Polite Conversation").
• Bumper sticker:  Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
• "If ghosts can walk through walls, why don't they fall through the floor?"--Steven Wright
• How slow is business in Fast Food Land?  Last year, Burger King, Wendy's, KFC and Arby's closed more restaurants than they opened.
• Whatever happened to Spuds MacKenzie?  
• I don't know about you, but seeing a guide dog in action always gives me a warm feeling.
• Redundancy Patrol:  "Tiny hamlet," "past history" and "sudden urge."
• Whose job is it to clean up the broken glass after accidents?  (Answer:  Your tires!)
• Why do stores with double entry doors always have one of them locked?  (Answer:  To make it harder for thieves to make a quick exit, but it's irritating nonetheless.)
• Closed-Captioning Gaffe of the Year, CBS News, 1:40 p.m., CST, April 19:  "Debt nation" rendered onscreen as "detonation."  
• Inside the infomercial: Producers have to find a reliable factory, get them a mold or drawings, and hire a fulfillment facility, a telemarketer to take orders and a media buyer to purchase air time. Then there's packaging, shipping, returns, customer service, an Internet storefront and more. A product that sells for $20 usually costs $2-$3 wholesale. After overhead costs, the hope is to squeeze out a $4-$5 profit.--NBC News report
• Why don't they make stationery that looks like cocktail napkins or coasters that look like used envelopes?
• Fiftieth Wisconsin Town I Didn't Know Existed Until I Saw It Mentioned in a Green Bay Press-Gazette Obituary:  Ellisville.  R.I.P. Vernis Ida Matilda (Gaedtke) Karnopp-Kudick, Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary, Dec. 18, 2013).  Previous entries: Athelstane, Walhain, Duck Creek, Breed, Anston, Sobieski, Amberg, Osseo, Angelica, Brazeau, Waukechon, Sugar Camp, Kossuth, Lessor, Kunesh, Pulcifer, Cato, Florence, Greenleaf, Eaton, Poygan, Hofa Park, Hilbert, Hollandtown, Beaufort, Glennie, Harshaw, Bessemer, Crooked Lake, Tigerton, Goodman, Readstown, Dousman, Butternut, Montpelier, Cecil, Red River, Gillet, King, Laona, Kelly Lake, Glenmore, Tonet, Stiles, Morrison, Dunbar, Askeaton, Wild Rose and Neopit.
• Today's Latin Lesson:  Res in speculum es propinquus quam they videor. ("Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.")