POPCORN

By Jim Szantor

Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric, and whimsical observations about the absurdities of contemporary life  

• Based on what I've seen in the stands in recent baseball seasons, beer sales should be cut off after batting practice!
• The road less traveled probably has fewer potholes, detours or tailgaters.
• Transgender musings:  Do more men want to become women . . . or do more women want to become men?   What if you don't want to be either?
• jimjustsaying's Social Tip of the Week:  "You should always leave a party 10 minutes before you actually do."--Cartoonist Gary Larson
• What is your favorite memory of the Mike Huckabee candidacy?
• Dumb Jock Quote of the Week: "How do you say 'adios' in Spanish?"--former major-league pitcher Clay Carroll.
• If you haven't seen at least five stories about "mindfulness" this week, I hope you're out of your coma and the ICU very soon.  There's actually a book titled "Mindful Eating," which, when you think about it, is probably better than mindless eating, which is probably behind much if not all of the obesity epidemic.
• Is it just me, or is Mitt Romney ( a guy I did NOT vote for in 2012) beginning to look better and better?  (Or as the great Frank Rich of New York magazine recently wrote:  "If it comes down to Hillary and Jeb, just shoot me now!")  A ticket of Romney and Rubio might be hard to beat.  I'm just sayin'.  (As long as Mitt keeps the dog off the roof of the car, I might be interested.)
• Speaking of candidates, judging by the content of his program, Chris Mathews of MSNBC's "Hardball" must be under the impression that the election is next week when in reality the two political conventions are more than a year off.   But then again, he's just reacting to the political theater and posturing under way.  Way too prematurely under way.  It's like going to the carnival while they're still unloading the ride components from the trucks.  (Chris:  The fat lady isn't even dressed yet!)
• I series-record "Hardball" and have to laugh when Mathews calls the program "The Place for Politics."  Since there's hardly anything dirtier than politics, I guess "The Place for Politics" sounds better than "The Sewer," which would be shorter, punchier and just as accurate.  It's almost old home week when I watch as I see former colleagues of mine such as Clarence Page (whose desk I inherited at the Chicago Tribune when he was drafted into the Army in 1969), David Axelrod, and James Warren to name some.
• XIIDIGITATION:  The practice of trying to determine the year a movie was made by deciphering the roman numerals at the end of the credits. --"Sniglets," Rich Hall and Friends
• Conventional wisdom from the punditocracy: “Air strikes? They would set Iran back by a few years. But even in a best-case scenario, the Iranians would be back at it before long, and they’d keep trying until they got a bomb or we got regime change."  (That's what they're all saying.)
• Unconventional wisdom:  How soon would they be back at it if they got bombed every year?  (I'm uncharacteristically hawkishly just sayin'.)
• "There are no such things as guilty pleasures, only pleasures."--filmmaker Quentin Tarantino
• What a screwed-up world.  People show up at the Vatican in cargo shorts,  tank tops and flip-flops, and the guys doing ESPN's Sunday Night Baseball telecast are dressed like Wall St. bankers in three-piece suits.  
• Overheard:  "There’s more time spent installing Adobe updates than actually using Adobe."
• There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar--not that that ever happens anymore.
• Did you know that there has never been a U.S. President who was an only child? Another barrier ready to be broken!
• Fact:  Albert Einstein never learned how to drive a car.  (Hey, everyone has his or her limitations!)
• "Most people don't grow up; most people age"--Maya Angelou
•  Newspaper Obituary Headline Nickname of the Month:  Steamer.  As in, James J. "Steamer" Walker, Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary, April 29, 2015.  R.I.P., Mr. Walker.
•  Sixtieth Wisconsin Town I Didn't Know Existed Until I Saw It Mentioned in a Green Bay Press-Gazette Obituary: Lakewood, Wis.  (R.I.P., Robert P. Landwehr, Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary, April 7, 2015).  Previous entries: Athelstane, Walhain, Duck Creek, Breed, Anston, Sobieski, Amberg, Osseo, Angelica, Brazeau, Waukechon, Sugar Camp, Kossuth, Lessor, Kunesh, Pulcifer, Cato, Florence, Greenleaf, Eaton, Poygan, Hofa Park, Hilbert, Hollandtown, Beaufort, Glennie, Harshaw, Bessemer, Crooked Lake, Tigerton, Goodman, Readstown, Dousman, Butternut, Montpelier, Cecil, Red River, Gillet, King, Laona, Kelly Lake, Glenmore, Tonet, Stiles, Morrison, Dunbar, Askeaton, Wild Rose. Neopit, Ellisville, Pickett, Flintville,  Forest Junction, Thiry Daems, Black Creek,  Mountain, Ledgeview,  Lunds and Suring.
• It seems to me there are entirely too many "halls of fame," as I encounter a new one virtually every week.  Fairly soon we'll be advised that someone has been inducted into the Underwear Wearers Hall of Fame.  (Or something similarly silly and meaningless.)
• "Don’t ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up."--G.K. Chesterton
• Today's Latin Lesson:  Scisco vestri medicus si Xarelto est vox vobis.  ("Ask your doctor if Xarelto is right for you.")