POPCORN

By Jim Szantor

Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric, and whimsical observations about the absurdities of contemporary life  

• jimjustsaying's  "Word That Doesn't Exist But Should" of the Week: "Camera-maritan":  The stranger you draft into taking a picture of your group so that everyone in your group will be in it. 
• Seems like every time I go to the grocery store I see a variety of apple I've never seen before and no one I know has ever heard of.   Believe it or not, there is variety of apple called Jazz.  (No Rhythm and Blues apple as yet, apparently.) 
• Regarding the farmed salmon being passed off as "wild salmon" controversy:  
• Let's face it, none of us knows what's really in our food--we're just taking someone's word for it, whether it comes in a can or out of a restaurant kitchen. Something merely being listed as this or that on a label or a menu means nothing.  Unless you grew it yourself or cooked it yourself, you're completely at the mercy of whomever.  Sobering but true.
• Next time you sign on the proverbial "dotted line," chances are the line won't be dotted.  Very few  are.  (And chances are your name isn't John Hancock either.)
• I'm 72, so even though I'm 70 years older than my desktop computer, we have something in common--loss of memory!  (But that's where the commonality ends.  If I have a restart button, I haven't been able to find  it yet.)
• Let's see if I've got this right:  Republican "debaters" balked at tough questions from the media yet insisted they're THE man(oh, yes, and/or THE woman) to handle all the even tougher challenges they will face if elected.   
• Got it.  That Putin guy will be such a pushover, and those ISIS guys. too.  I'm sure they'll lay down their beheading swords as soon as a Republican president stomps his foot.  That fearsome Ben Carson guy is sure to strike terror into their hearts, even if reporters get under his thin skin.
• I saw Hillary Clinton on TV the other day wearing her usual attire--pantsuit and flipflops.
• Speaking of Mrs. Clinton, I highly doubt that Republicans will be able to celebrate her jailing on the FBI e-mail inquiry.  That is unlikely to happen.  But the worst prison for HRC will be rejection by the voters in the general election. That is much more likely to happen.  (And there won't be any appeal.  There may be multiple debates and multiple hearings, but there's only one election.)
• Trump, Jeb, Huckabee, Cruz . . . . Four men who have accomplished the impossible:  Making Newt Gingrich look good!  (Come back, Newt--all is forgiven!)
• I'm always amused when someone (usually a celebrity) claims they "don't know how to drive."  Like driving a car is the equivalent of flying a Boeing 707 or a NASA space ship.  Perhaps I should be grateful that those folks are not on the road along with the people who really don't know how to drive but do.
• Why is Bluetooth so-called?  Why "blue"? And what does a "tooth" have to do with whatever Bluetooth does?  If the connection is supposed to be obvious, it has surely eluded me. 
• Turns out it really isn't obvious, so let's go to jimjustsaying's Party Ice-Breaker of the Week:  
• "Say [actual partygoer's name here], did you know that Bluetooth is said to be named after King Harald Bluetooth (910–985), credited with uniting Denmark and Norway, as Bluetooth technology unifies the telecommunications and computing industries?"
• Well, on second thought, Bluetooth is better than Brownnose. . . .
• Finally, science backs up my contention (as stated in my "LOL-i-Gags" book) that bacon is the asbestos of the food world.
• Bacon, ham and sausages rank alongside cigarettes as a major cause of cancer, the World Health Organisation has said, placing cured and processed meats in the same category as asbestos, alcohol, arsenic and tobacco.
• Newspaper Obituary Headline Nickname of the Month:  Skinner.  As in Muley "Skinner" French , Green Bay Press-Gazette, Sept. 15, 2015.  R.I.P., Mr. Skinner.
• Sixty-fifth  Wisconsin Town I Didn't Know Existed Until I Saw It Mentioned in a Green Bay Press-Gazette Obituary:  Townsend, Wis.. (R.I.P., Robert D. Trudell, Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary, Aug. 6, 2015).  Previous entries: Athelstane, Walhain, Duck Creek, Breed, Anston, Sobieski, Amberg, Osseo, Angelica, Brazeau, Waukechon, Sugar Camp, Kossuth, Lessor, Kunesh, Pulcifer, Cato, Florence, Greenleaf, Eaton, Poygan, Hofa Park, Hilbert, Hollandtown, Beaufort, Glennie, Harshaw, Bessemer, Crooked Lake, Tigerton, Goodman, Readstown, Dousman, Butternut, Montpelier, Cecil, Red River, Gillet, King, Laona, Kelly Lake, Glenmore, Tonet, Stiles, Morrison, Dunbar, Askeaton, Wild Rose. Neopit, Ellisville, Pickett, Flintville,  Forest Junction, Thiry Daems, Black Creek,  Mountain, Ledgeview, Lunds, Suring, Lakewood, Beaver, Cloverleaf Lakes, Krakow and Pella.
• "It is not enough to be busy. So are ants. The question is, What are we busy about?"--Henry David Thoreau
• Much has been made about how Joe Maddon, manager of the surprising 2015 Chicago Cubs, "changed the culture."  Baseball has a culture?
• "Baseball is what we were, football is what we have become."--Mary McGrory
• jimjustsaying's Sniglet of the Month:  "Schlitzstop."  The one player in amateur softball games who always thinks he can handle his position and a can of beer at the same time."--"Unexplained Sniglets of the Universe," Rich Hall & Friends
• "Saturday Night Live" had it right.  Have you ever seen Bernie Sanders and Larry David in the same room? 
• jimjustsaying's assessment of the recent years (decades?) of "Saturday Night Live": The cast is very good at doing sketches that aren't remotely funny.  I guess that boils down to "A" for effort.  (Lorne Michaels, your plane is now boarding.)
• "The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards."--Novelist Arthur Koestler
• Whatever happened to Yakof Smirnov?
• Today's Latin lesson:  Nusquam video vidi visum hic, populus, iustus eo. ("Nothing to see here, folks, just move along.")