POPCORN

By Jim Szantor

Rhetorical questions, questionable rhetoric and whimsical observations about the absurdities of contemporary life

• Show of hands:  How many of you thought Fats Domino was already dead?  (Guilty as charged.  R.I.P., Fatman.)  
• Whew!  It was so windy the other day, the Harvey Weinstein scandal blew over! (Well, almost.)
• Doesn't the Harvey Weinstein scandal make you wonder how the women who did star in his films (or get top positions in his company) attained that status?  Were they so talented that they succeeded despite spurning his advances?  Or were they "just not his type."  (By all accounts, everyone was his type.  I'mjustsayin'.)  According to film clips,  Meryl Streep referred to him as "God" in an Oscar acceptance speech.  Hmmmm.
• Meanwhile in the world of sordidity (an actual word, the record will show), Subway has finally come up with a substitute for disgraced pitchman Jared Fogle:  O.J. Simpson.  (Also on the short list:  Bill Cosby.) 
• Speaking of football figures:  Quarterback names have taken a curious turn:  Donovan, Peyton, Eli, Tarvaris, Troy, Drew, Tyrod, DeShone, DeShaun, Dak, Case and Jameis . . .  .   I think when Joe Montana retired they must have retired all common first names!
• Nov. 1 Headline:  "Walmart to hold parties in its stores this year."  Wow, now there's a dream come true!    I often shop there, but it always reminds me of the moon--no atmosphere.   
• There's no hope.   How are we going to fix the tax code, repair the crumbling infrastructure, revise the health-care system and deal with North Korea, not to mention reverse climate change, when we can't even phase out the penny?   That would seem to be child's play in comparison, yet we can't even do something as simple as that!  We've only been talking about it for about 20 years!
• Redundancy Patrol:  "absolutely essential," "pick and choose," "natural instinct."
• This just in:  Alaska has been named the No. 1 most sexually diseased state in the country, followed by Mississippi, Louisiana, Georgia and several other (except for Delaware) redneck states.     Alaska may be "America's Last Frontier" but at least they now have a First to its credit.  Congrats!
• (At least the residents still get their annual dividend from the state's co-called Permanent Fund--in 2017 just over $1,100, half of what would have been disbursed before the governor cut it.   But:  "Alaska, The State That Has to Bribe People to Live There"  won't fit on a license plate.   More's the pity.)
• "The universe is not complicated, there’s just a lot of it."--Physicist Richard Feynman
• jimjustsaying's Word That Doesn't Exist But Should of the month:  Kawashocki.  n. The feeling experienced when pulling into a parking space between two cars and suddenly realizing there is a motorcycle already parked there.
• I see where Oprah Winfrey is augmenting her income by working as a correspondent for "60 
• Minutes."  Guess I can cancel that Go Fund Me page I was going to start for her.  
• (Ms. Winfrey does a good job and all, and, being worth many millions, isn't she taking a job that someone else could have and needs?  But I guess if she adds a ratings point or two, the network executives don't give a hoot.  They're probably worth millions too and think differently than normal people.)
• Speaking of "60 Minutes":  We don't need a dozen ticks of the clock at the beginning; we kind of get it now after--what?--50 years!  About 4 or 5 will probably do it.    And why do we have six or seven staff members typically introduced when only three (or sometimes, just two) are actually on that week's show?    And why do they have to import Anderson Cooper (the man with two last names) from CNN to do occasional stories?   Reportorial talent crisis at CBS?   Cooper is great, but again, he--like Oprah--is cutting someone else out of the action.
• And speaking of TV:   "Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television."--Woody Allen
• According to news reports, a growing number of U.S. businesses are purchasing active shooter insurance.   The policies compensate companies for the cost of lost business after a mass shooting, any lingering "brand stigma," and claims for damages by victims or their families. One insurer tells the International Business Times that demand for such policies is being driven by the fact that "you can’t prevent crazy."
• Police in Bothell, Wash., requested that residents please stop dialing 911 to report that they can’t log on to Facebook. The Week magazine reports.   "We will move mountains to help those in our community," said a police spokesman.  "However, we can’t fix Facebook."
• "The theft was discovered by Mrs. Gates, who had gone upstairs and found her pulse missing." --St. Petersburg (Fla.) Evening Independent, via "Still More Press Boners."
• Seventy-ninth Wisconsin Town I Didn't Know Existed Until I Saw It Mentioned in a Green Bay Press-Gazette Obituary: White Potato Lake, Wis.. (R.I.P., Dianne Winther, Green Bay Press-Gazette obituary, Oct. 24, 2017).  Previous entries: Athelstane, Walhain, Duck Creek, Breed, Anston, Sobieski, Amberg, Osseo, Angelica, Brazeau, Waukechon, Sugar Camp, Kossuth, Lessor, Kunesh, Pulcifer, Cato, Florence, Greenleaf, Eaton, Poygan, Hofa Park, Hilbert, Hollandtown, Beaufort, Glennie, Harshaw, Bessemer, Crooked Lake, Tigerton, Goodman, Readstown, Dousman, Butternut, Montpelier, Cecil, Red River, Gillet, King, Laona, Kelly Lake, Glenmore, Tonet, Stiles, Morrison, Dunbar, Askeaton, Wild Rose. Neopit, Ellisville, Pickett, Flintville,  Forest Junction, Thiry Daems, Black Creek,  Mountain, Ledgeview, Lunds, Suring, Lakewood, Beaver, Cloverleaf Lakes, Krakow,  Pella, Townsend, Vandenbroek, Coleman,  Spruce, Armstrong Creek, Lake Gogebic, North Chase, Navarino, Pequot Lakes, Buchanan,  Rio Creek, Humboldt, Mill Center and Carlton.
• jimjustsaying's 20 Best Internet Click Bait Items of the Month: 20 things Americans do that amuse the rest of the world . . . Jack the Ripper's true identity? . . . 13 things restaurant inspectors wish you knew . . . 56 secrets life coaches won't tell you for free . . . Musicians who have canceled concert tours . . . 40 things no woman over 40 should own . . . 8 ways to make the best of a basement apartment . . . Celebrities who don't drink alcohol . . . Surprising things you can put in the washing machine . . . Home inspector horror stories . . . The surprising guest that Johnny Carson couldn't stand . . . 5 useless body parts that are left over from evolution . . . What your walking speed says about your personality . . . 6 high-end restaurant rules . . . Polite ways to eat to eat sushi, wings and other tricky foods . . . Why you should never put your feet on the dash of your car . . . One thing all liars have in common . . . 24 things your garbage collector wants you to know . . . The Queen doing commoner things will make you chuckle . . . 6 reasons you should never throw out banana peels.  
• Got time for one more?  "11 cars people get rid of quickly" (as per Forbes).
• jimjustsaying's Newspaper Obituary Headline Nickname of the Month:  "Big Daddy."   As in, Dan "Big Daddy" Metzner, Green Bay Press-Gazette, Aug. 12, 2017.  R.I.P., Mr. Metzner.
• "Put pickles up yourself"--actual Chicago Tribune Food section headline, 1970s.
• Today's Latin Lesson: Id est pacere vel sicut contrarium a frigus et febricitantem obsidione munitionbusque coepti premi? ("Is it feed a cold and starve a fever or just the opposite?")